If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together... there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe,
stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you.
Mom,
I am speechless. How do I find the words that could possibly be enough to describe my love for you or your impact on every soul you have ever touched?
I find solace in Music, I always have. Forever looking for a song that describes the emotions in my heart. The song Beloved by Mumford & Sons started to play whilst I was shopping with Anthony some time when I had first arrived for this part of your journey. You would have loved it: me singing along to a song in the supermarket.
“Well, how have I not made a note of every word you ever said and time is not on our side but I'll pretend that it's alright...
Before you leave
You must know you are beloved
And before you leave
Remember I was with you
And as you leave
I won't hold you back beloved
We'll sit and talk the stars down from the sky
And I'll not forget the chaos in your eyes love”
We spent so many hours discussing the next steps. You worked hard on preparing us for this time. It worked. Yes we are in pain - but that was inevitable. We are also OKAY.
As I am trying to formulate these thoughts for my goodbye to you, you are lying in the bed peacefully.
You fought so long and so hard, you should know that everything will be okay.
I have your playlist playing, and I am talking to you. Telling you everything will be okay. Almost the same conversation we had at the hospital; a conversation we’ve held multiple times every time we sat together.
I am by your side, as I promised you.
I see on your face, you look like you are almost smiling, you are at peace.
You are ever so peaceful.
You were right.
I will be fine.
We will be fine.
I am not afraid.
I do not alone.
You look so at peace.
You look so comfortable.
I can’t remember the last time you looked this peaceful.
I never knew what an Angel looked like, until this moment.
It feels like some invisible shield is covering my heart in this moment.
How can I sum up all my feelings and emotions to you in a few words: I love you, and I feel loved by you.
I know you’ll be with me.
I know you’ll watch over me.
You will be there, as you always have been.
You will be there when I kiss the man I love.
You will be there when my children are born.
You will be there to laugh every time I sing the lyric to a song wrong.
You will be there every time I hurt.
You will be there every time I laugh.
You will definitely be there every time I have a drink.
You will be giving me strength when I can’t.
I love you. Thank you.
This candle was first lit on the 31st of October 2019 and will burn for 95 years 5 months and 11 days.